Q: How did Nature gift you with that initial fearless thought?
A: Nature encouraged my reason by rewarding me for my mental efforts and punishing me for my emotional ventures. Thus I had nothing to lose emotionally, and all to gain mentally.
Q: Then your philosophical pursuit was triggered by some bad experiences and failures. Was your extreme action not itself an emotional reaction against failure?
A: Yes and no. Yes, to some degree my rejection of normal human values was emotional, for I was hurt and degraded by the wretchedness of it all. On the other hand, my action was totally rational. From this rational perspective I did not so much experience any failures, but the inevitable consequences of a normal egotistical life.
I was sensitive to these consequences, and I did not avoid them. I even let them come to fruition; for I was perceptive enough to see that one could not avoid the eventual fruition of failure. My reason was too proud to let me avoid the inevitable, so I experienced it. Yet my reason was too proud even to experience the inevitable! So I sought to go beyond all - my pride too, would have to go. Such is my story.